Apart
by lyviel
Summary: They had discussed it at length, ultimately deciding to go their separate ways for a time. Dorian would return to Tevinter to become a Magister and pursue his goals of reform. Meanwhile Elden, the former Inquisitor, would do some much needed healing while he found his own why. Even though they had both agreed to this, their time apart would not be easy and they longed to reunite.
1. Chapter 1

Elden was in the kitchen when he heard a key in the lock followed by the front door opening.

"Varric, is that you?" he called, tossing the rest of the ingredients into the pot. "Dinner's almost ready if you'd like to stay."

But then Elden heard two sets of footsteps and he knew something was different. It was interesting how distinctive something as simple as footfalls could be. This particular one accompanying Varric's were light, somehow able to sound casual across the floorboards. It was a pattern he hadn't heard in some time but he could never forget. He was frozen in place, feeling like his heart was in his throat, terrified to let himself believe it could be true.

"No thanks, I won't be staying," Varric called as he and the other visitor reached the doorway behind him. "But you may want to keep that second bowl out."

Elden turned slowly, as if afraid that any sudden movements would change what he was about to see. Standing in the doorway was Dorian, smiling and travel-stained, hair mussed and just so handsome and the sight took Elden's breath away. He sagged against the counter as if he didn't trust his legs to hold him up, at a loss for words. He was dimly aware of Varric, smiling as he turned to leave, but he only had eyes for Dorian as he slowly approached, hands behind his back and looking so smug.

"I thought you were still two days out," Elden said as he found his voice at last. "Is this really happening?"

"Of course it is. A few sleepless nights were well worth the look on your face. Besides, I owed you for dropping by unexpectedly in Tevinter." Dorian spoke smoothly, as if his haste was only for those reasons, as if he wasn't twisting his gloves restlessly.

"You talk too much," Elden said, finally risking his shaking legs as he crossed the last few steps between them, pulling him into a crushing embrace that Dorian responded to with equal vigor.

They kissed like they were making up for the months they had spent apart, for all the time they had lost, and they held each other like they never planned to stop if they had any say. When they finally drew apart at last for air it was only to gasp a few words.

"I missed you," Elden began, feeling tears in his eyes, his hand caressing Dorian's cheek as he tried to memorize every last detail.

"So much," Dorian finished, the affection in his eyes and in his voice making Elden feel like his legs really might give out. Dorian kissed him again and nothing else in the world existed.


	2. Letters

Dorian found himself pacing again. He just couldn't seem to stay still. Every time he sat at his desk to work he would inevitably grow restless and and rise again. Elden had only just left the day before, it was too dangerous for him to visit Tevinter regularly, so it would likely be months before they'd see each other again and Dorian wasn't sure how he was going to make it through. **  
**

Normally throwing himself into his work was how he coped, drowning himself in it until there was no room to think of anything else. But it was so jarring, going from spending nearly every moment together to suddenly having Elden gone again. Dorian would glance over at the couch in his study half expecting Elden to still be there but of course he it was empty. Dorian sighed. He wasn't going to get any more work done this evening anyway so he went to crouch beside Elden's spot, running his hand across the fabric as if there might still be some trace of him.

There was nothing, of course. This was ridiculous and unbecoming and Dorian sighed as as he dropped onto the seat, but something crinkled under the cushions. He fished around until he found the paper in question and pulled up a carefully folded note. This was an odd place for it to end up. But then he turned it over and saw his own name in a messy angular script he would always recognize. Dorian nearly tore the letter in his haste to unfold it.

 _My love,_

 _I know I am no longer at your side, but please know that it is only temporary and my thoughts will always be with you. I wish I could write poetry for you but I can never think of words that are good enough. I could just say "I love you" over and over again, but I fear that might get old and you deserve so much more._

 _Perhaps I will look for a book of poetry to send you. Surely there must be someone out there who can put what I feel for you into words without repeating the same clumsy phrase over and over. I can write in the margins so it's like we're reading it together and I'll show you every part that reminds me of you._

 _Until then, I love you, I love you, I love you. I'll tell you it again and again when we talk through the crystals too, I just worry I haven't told you enough. I'd say it constantly if I could. I wish I could whisper it in your ear every morning and night when we're tangled together under the blankets._

 _But we'll have that again soon, my love. Until then._

 _-E_

Dorian wanted to laugh. It was overly sentimental and disgustingly sweet and Dorian was so touched he felt tears in his eyes. He missed that man so damn much and it had only been a day. He read over the letter a few more times, unable to stop the silly grin that spread across his lips.

But then he noticed a small number 3 written on the corner of the letter. Dorian remembered back at Skyhold, Elden used to hide letters in his alcove in the library. Had he decided to do the samehere as well? He stood and surveyed the room, looking for the most likely hiding place. After a moment he went to the bed and lifted up the pillow on Elden's side and sure enough, there was another letter there as well.

Dorian hadn't slept much last night. He didn't want to even look at the empty side of the bed so when he had eventually retired, he had turned his back on the spot. Now he felt rather silly for not thinking Elden might have done something like this. He unfolded the letter quickly and sat down on the edge of the bed as he began to read.

 _My love,_

 _I hope you are doing well. If you have found this it means I have already left. Probably. If not then stop going through my bag or you'll ruin the surprise!_

 _Every day we've spend apart I've been writing down everything I could possibly think of that we never seem to have time to say. Or just things I feel I haven't said enough. I've hidden quite a few of them around your home. Hopefully you won't find them all on the first day._

 _I hate that soon I will leave. I hate that I can't always be by your side. You've been there for me all through the Inquisition but now that it's your turn to make the world a better place I am so far away from you. I wish I could be there with you, to hold you through the pain or celebrate the victories with you, just like you did for me. In between visits I can write these letters, though, and if they bring you any sort of comfort, or even just make you smile now and then, they will be worth it._

 _Even as I write this I find myself missing you. You just went to get us some tea but I think I'll end this letter here and go help, just so I can be near you again. I love you so much and I long for the days when we can be together all the time again, with no more short visits that have us counting down the days until one of us has to leave._

 _Know that I love you and I will always be there for you. All you have to do is say the word and I'll come running to your side._

 _-E_

Sure enough, there was a small 1 in the corner. Dorian leaned back on the bed with a sigh. It was so like Elden to do this, really, so completely ridiculous and silly and sweet and, Maker, Dorian missed him so much his chest ached.

He was torn between wanting to ransack the place until he found every single letter, but on the other hand, stumbling across them would be a nice diversion and something to look forward to. Although Dorian never had been a patient man. For now, he pulled out the crystal, suddenly wanting desperately to hear Elden's voice. And he certainly couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease him a little for all this. And to thank him.


	3. Chapter 3

They had been talking all evening, Dorian sitting at his desk with the crystal glowing gently beside him, quill held loosely in his hand and paperwork forgotten as they recounted the events of their days. It was strange, for so long they had shared nearly every moment of the day. Now they did everything alone and Dorian found himself constantly looking forward to when he could finally share it all with Elden, and hear everything he had done in return.

It was late now, however, and as a silence grew between them, Dorian wondered if Elden had fallen asleep. The only sound now was the scratching of Dorian's quill as he returned to his work. This was often how they ended the day, leaving the crystal open so they could just listen to each other and pretend they were in the same room again. Even just falling asleep to the sound of Elden's even breathing was comforting. Well, more comforting than the silence that was left when he would finally put the crystal away. Eventually, though, Elden spoke and broke the silence.

"I'm afraid," Elden said, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he wasn't sure he wanted Dorian to hear.

"Of what?" Dorian tried to keep his voice nonchalant but he felt his blood run cold and he nearly dropped the quill in his haste to pick up the crystal. Danger seemed to be all around them these days and he couldn't help but hold the crystal tightly, as if that could somehow shield Elden as well.

"A lot of things," Elden began with a heavy sigh. The lack of urgency at least calmed Dorian slightly. "Of losing you, most of all. I worry one day we'll run out of things to say. Then our conversations will get shorter and shorter until one day I'll call and you won't want to answer."

"Why am I the one to lose interest in this scenario?" Dorian asked, eyebrow raised. It would be amusing in it's absurdity if he wasn't so concerned for Elden's wellbeing. Stranded alone as they were, it was easy to let old doubts and fears creep back in. They'd promised to talk instead of letting it fester, however, and Dorian told himself that this was good. Elden was talking, they could get through this. They'd be all right. They had to be.

"Because you're out doing great things and I feel like I'm stagnating," Elden said dejectedly

"You're helping Kirkwall and Maker knows they could use all they can get," Dorian pointed out.

"And while I'm here drawing up blueprints, you're out fighting and saving all of Tevinter. I can't help but think that eventually you'll find someone else, someone who can actually keep up with you. And you'd deserve it, of course, and maybe I'm being selfish by holding you back-"

Perhaps it wasn't the best reaction, but Dorian interrupted him with a laugh he just couldn't hold back. "Need I remind you that you saved the world not too long ago? And here I thought I was the one trying to keep up with you."

"No," Elden said quickly, almost desperately. "You've never had anything to prove."

"And neither have you," Dorian said, slightly annoyed at Elden's tendency to doubt himself while reassuring others. "Haven't we had this conversation before?" Elden had done so much and he wished he could see himself the way Dorian did.

"I know, I'm sorry," Elden replied dejectedly.

"No no," Dorian said. "Please continue. I know this isn't easy."

"I know you keep telling me I'm the same man but it doesn't really feel that way."

"Why, because you lost your hand?"

"And the Inquisition. And you," Elden added reluctantly. "I feel like I failed. The Inquisition only put more people in danger."

"You certainly haven't failed; you stopped Corypheus after all and saved most of Thedas in the process. And you certainly haven't lost me," Dorian said as gently as he could. "Maker, Elden, I love you but you are infuriating."

"That's why you love me though, right?" Elden asked and he sounded so despondent Dorian's chest ached.

"Of course I love you," Dorian said and he couldn't help but smile, rubbing a thumb across the crystal, wishing he could see Elden, touch him, reassure him any way he could. He hated that he had to leave Elden so soon and he feared he had made a mistake, not staying longer. But this was no time for guilt. Reassuring Elden was more important. "To be completely honest, it's frightfully boring here without you and I'm not just saying that. Surely you've gathered that our talks are the highlight of my day. I know you're afraid things are changing but I promise you I'm not leaving you behind. I miss you. I'm not going to stop missing you until I'm at your side again."

"I miss you too," Elden said and Dorian could hear the tears in his voice.

"We'll see each other again soon," Dorian assured him, biting his lip to hold back his own emotions. "You're the one who said not too long ago that we'd get through this. And we will." Really, though, he wasn't completely sure if he was trying to reassure himself or Elden.

"I'm sorry I keep doing this," Elden said with a frustrated sigh and Dorian could imagine him rubbing at his face as he tried to compose himself. "And I'm sorry, I don't doubt you and I know I'm not being fair."

"Nonsense," Dorian said dismissively. "I seem to recall you reassuring me not too long ago. We can trade off, perhaps every other week?" That won him a little chuckle and Dorian smiled before continuing more gently. "We will get through this, amatus."

"What a pair we make, constantly trying to save the world," Elden replied, sniffling a little. "Sometimes it feels like our work will never be done."

"I promise this won't be forever. We'll be together again soon. I couldn't do this without you."

"And I couldn't have done anything as Inquisitor without you. I love you so much," Elden said, his voice impossibly fond.

"And I love you, amatus" Dorian replied.

They were silent for a moment before Elden spoke again. "Are you going to go to sleep?"

"I think I'll stay up a bit longer," Dorian said, eyeing the stack of papers beside him.

"Can you tell me what you're doing? I don't really want to think right now."

"Fine, but I suggest you get comfortable. This is all so agonizingly boring it may just put you to sleep. Do you know how much paperwork one has to do to make any headway in the Magisterium?"

"No, but I expect I'll have a good idea by the end of the night," Elden replied and Dorian was pleased that he could hear the smile in his words.


End file.
